Here we go... Again!

So we have decided to give the injections one last shot. Today is cycle day 1 and I'm already a wreck. I'm so scared and anxious that I feel like I'm going to puke. I'm scared that it's not going to work again and there is a part of me terrified that it might actually work which brings on a whole new fear. Emma is 4 and could I really handle another child? Can I really start over from scratch? Am I ready to accept that if this doesn't work that it's officially the end of our journey? We decided that it would be best not to tell anyone about this round of treatment. It was really hard for everyone when it failed last time and we don't want to put anyone through it again. I feel like a failure as a woman because I cannot just get pregnant. I feel like a failure as a wife for not being able to give my husband another child. I feel like a failure as a mother not being able to give my daughter a sibling. I don't want her to grow up alone and with us not being around family I worry that I will become to attached to her and Ryan because I'm so afraid of losing them. I know I'm not a failure deep down but I still feel like it either way. I'm preparing myself for this journey and I know no matter the outcome there is only so many things I can control. God is going to be the ultimate decider of this. He is either going to bless me with another child or he is going to hopefully give me the closure I need to know that it's not going to happen. So stay tuned since I will be posting pictures and daily blog posts about this. Hopefully it will be a desirable outcome but if it isn't, I'm going to be okay. We are going to be okay because at the end of the day I have an amazing husband and daughter who I have been blessed with and that I love and cherish more than anything.